The last six months I’ve been in a season of deep re-birth. Not because there was anything wrong with where I was at, but instead because I felt the pull of spirit telling me it was time for my next evolution. A birthing of a new version of me that will bring improved clarity of my soul blueprint. This may make it sound as if I have total transparency of the process ahead, but in reality it was a choice to lean into the trust that my soul was leading me down the right path. This process REQUIRES us to get comfortable with the unknown, because of course if it was familiar we wouldn’t be growing. The other thing it requires, and this is quite often the bugaboo, it requires time and space. Sitting in the womb of unknowingness can cause quite a bit of anxiety when we live in a world which dictates that we must always be producingand more over blooming. But nature doesn’t work that way, and we are nature. Nature adheres to cycles and seasons, knowing there is a time for everything but when we are in a rush to get to next season of our life, we miss the beauty and often subtilties littered in the now.
Looking to nature we see the blueprint of manifestation. In Spring we plant seeds, seeds that contain our hopes and dreams. Seeds that hold the instructions of what and how it will become, but without the right conditions, these seeds may struggle or not grow at all. While many of us get excited about the idea and “laws” of manifestation we forget that equal to the clarity and felt sense of our intentions, is the daily nurturing required to give our vision enough mass that it materializes into our 3D reality. Just as a seed needs the right mineral rich soil, water and sunlight to awaken its dormant potential, we too need this same nourishment to activate the dormant potentials within us. Our yearnings and gut instincts offer us soul guidance reminding us of the potentials stored within us, but without the proper conditions and devotion these seeds may never grow at all.
As the months turnover into the peak warmth of Summer we see the fruits of our labor. The plant gives a burst of lifeforce energy into its greatest achievement, its fruit. We taste the succulent juice of our now manifested desire which nourishes us as we are replenished by the recognition that our efforts have come to fruition. We celebrate and dance feeling the reciprocal nature of life as it rewards our efforts, and we share our harvest. This is the peak moment, sought after. But that’s just it, it is a peak. It is the reward for the sustained consolidation of energy into a focal point. However, when we seek to output this “fruit” everyday something very important in the process is sacrificed. We are no longer willing to wait for the fruit to mature in accordance with nature, so we modify it or cut corners to produce more at a lesser cost to us (in time or energy). It doesn’t take long to be on either side of the equation to realize that something has been lost. That the richness and the complexities of flavor have deteriorated or even worse the nutritional value is completely void, as we are consuming “fake” fruit both literally and figuratively. While on the surface this fruit may “appear” the same, its consumption leaves us empty, hollow and craving something more. While the fruit that matured with the proper care, nutrients and time, satiates us on a deep level. We feel a deep since of satisfaction with what we have produced.
The summer nights begin to shorten, and we soon feel the crisp air of fall arrive. We begin to feel a retraction from the free-flowing nights and begin to organize for a more serious time and season. In Fall, we begin to shed what we no longer need. Just as the trees release their leaves without concern for when they will reappear, this is a time where we begin to let go and purge out what has expired in our lives. Our leaves may be expired relationships, dreams, or obligations or it may mean literal objects taking up both physical and energetic space. We let go because we know in the letting go, we make space to rebirth new visions and dreams once more. When we horde our resources, unwilling to share and clinging to a scarcity mindset, it illustrates our overall distrust of life. We hold because we unconsciously believe that what’s around the corner may not be as good or even worse than what we have now. That a known quantity, even when it’s not what we desire or perhaps even downright awful, it’s better than what may never come. It is in these times of fear and doubt, when our clinging becomes like a vice grip, we unknowingly forgo potentials meant for us. We tell the Universe that we have no capacity for something new. This is where must instead lean into the discomfort and come to sit with nature. We lean into her whispers and follow her cues. We let go of heaviness and all that has already been “used up” and instead of feeling depressed for what was loss, we feel the lightness, expansion, and the freedom that it provides. A place in which we need less and yet are fully provided for and a space in which many potentials exist.
Now it is winter, and all is still. Much of nature is dependent on how well it prepared for this time. No longer en-lightened by the codes and fuel of the sun, winter is a time of deep listening. In this season of our life, we bear the quietness of the time between. We sit in the cosmic womb, leaving behind who we were before and not yet knowing who we will become. It could be in a very small mundane way, or it could be in an entire shift of our identity. It is in this quiet waiting, that the soul and nature, consolidates its resources and consults with the master plan. It knows that it will have time again to plant seeds, but during this season it is important to not rush into the planting. This can often be deeply uncomfortable and in our avoidance to review, ponder and simply wait, we may rush out of this space and be tempted to plant poorly prepared seeds or even worst offer out GMO fruit! We may choose the road that allures us with convenience and efficiency, promising us that we will produce more with less, freeing us to do well even more! It can be very seductive especially when we are uncomfortable in the space we are in and our constantly bombarded with messages littered in FOG. That fear, obligation and guilt, enticing you to conform into an artificial reality instead of a natural one. Over promising and under delivering many rush in without deeply contemplating what they are giving up in a haste to get on with being one of those people that seems to always be producing fruit. It isn’t until much later down the road that they feel the ache in their heart and void in their stomach of an unsatiated life. In our rush, we forgot that nature was always guiding our way forward and allowing us sacred moments to FEEL all the things. It is in these NOW moments, where we have all the power and potential WITHIN us. It is when we relish the juice of our labor or feel the results of going of course. This FEELING is the guidepost from your soul beckoning you on and showing you how to get back on course to your cosmic blueprint. But when we rush to the next season, we forgo the space to be and feel. We don’t realize we’ve made a wrong turn because we were too busy to consult the map.
In this season of my life, I feel the culmination of many things that defined me and a re-birth that’s not quite here. In the next two weeks, my daughter will turn 18, graduate high school and soon leave for Pepperdine! My son also has a rite of passage and turns 16, with newfound autonomy and responsibility. These moments are the fruits of motherhood and I intend to pause, practice presence and taste the juice of our shared labor. I’ve also been in a gestation period professionally. At the beginning of the year, there came the invitation to create The Starlight House’s new ceremonial space and the months since I have been deeply listening and watering the seeds of what it wants to become. Waiting on spirit to guide the way has been a beautiful process. It had become so much more than what I had could have envisioned by allowing the process to unfold over time rather than trying to control and dictate it. It has emerged as an energetic force of its own and I so look forward to writing its story and grateful to be the conduit by which its reality was manifested. While the physical space is now complete, the requirement of more time is still present. It’s like when you are waiting for your first born to arrive, anxiously wanting the day to come and terrified if you are ready and capable of the unknown on the other side. While I download the last codes of its becoming, I am committed to honoring this space between. I give pause and give gratitude for the space, to witness my children as they become the next versions of themselves, as I too wait in this void, allowing myself to condense my vital force energy into the next higher version of myself. To become the fruit of my own labor, the ripening of my soul. A fruit that will satiate me in the years to come and nourish and hold others in sacred space while their own seeds reach maturation. While these moments of life can and often to follow natures seasons, sometimes we need more or less time in each. Only you can really tune into this. So, no matter what season you find yourself in, I ask you, how can you honor this season of your own life?